How We Struggle with Self-Image and Living with Little Regret

Let me start by saying I completely, wholeheartedly, and knowingly relinquish myself to the self-hatred of saying, “This is my ‘brand’. This is who I am.”

There is fear in professing and projecting our own values and opinions outwardly, but without such expression there would be no progress.  Yes, it feels great to look back on the work that I have completed and the laurels it has afforded, however, that is not what keeps me motivated and it shouldn’t motivate you either. As George Orwell put it, “ I write it because there is some lie that I want to expose, some fact to which I want to draw attention, and my initial concern is to get a hearing.”

The process is putting in the time and effort. To find an audience that shares similar tendencies and connect with them while opening up conversations with those who oppose my words. Through this relationships I hope I can find people who can contribute just as much to my writing as I can to their reading.

If I graduated college looking for credit despite creating amatuer, mediocre but fully passionate work, I can’t remember. Today I realize that searching for credit is searching for your ego. It’s an endless cycle with a balancing act on razor blades. The falls will feel larger and the highs will never be enough.

My goal at the end of this journey is to earn the title "explorer". It is my ego that craves this title. I hope I move past it.

I have done many things I am proud of, but I have a list that grows everyday of things that I want to discover. It will be my journey, researched, carried out, and expanded upon in writing and through different outlets.

It's a way for me to give sanity to the mind. The key is in the transference of information and knowledge.  To be labeled an "explorer" means sharing what I discover.

I would have to say that explorers are amateurs. They dare to go where they (nor anyone else) has been and do not feel adequate. They know that unchartered places are still out there, and that to fill them in means to take risks.

However, their goal is to see the disconnected dots of information and compile them into knowledge. That knowledge then has the potential to become education for others.

The title "Everyday Explorer" is to suit just that sentiment. I travel and experiment and try to discover something new everyday. So, in fact, I could just as easily associate with the name “Everyday Amateur”.

I found this written in my notes and cannot remember writing it. I do not think it is a quote from someone else, but if it is familiar to anyone please let me know.

“It is but the turmoil to create and realize how hard it actually is to drive oneself into the darkest corners of our minds that humbles humanity.

To see the infected seas of minds, all dwindling in search of one true impression, is my biggest interest.  Everyone looking about, thinking they are not crazy while making sure they hide all their bits not fit for public in the dark recesses of their minds.”